Cентябрь 24.

Привиет Фсе (Hi All),

As you can see, I found the Russian characters on my laptop. I hope it translates well to those that are reading this.

Question #1: who’s the best friend a guy could have? Michael Herdeen. Question #2: what’s the best drink of all time? Yoohoo of course. Combine #1 and #2 above, and what’s the result? Answer: of a total population of 6 million in Kazakhstan, ONE PERSON is currently drinking Yoohoo…ME!!! I GOT A PACKAGE!!! Mike, your package arrived a day ago, so that was about two weeks or so, not too bad. Also, for my sister Kathy, there’s a package at PC HQ in Almaty waiting for me, I’m assuming it’s the missing Pop Tarts. Another volunteer is down there now, making his way up here tomorrow, and will bring my package with him. So I’m sitting here eating Chips Ahoy, sucking down a Yoohoo, checking out Lucy Lui in the latest Maxim, enjoying life, thanks again Mike.

Now the bad news…Mr Herdeen shelled out over $50 to send this Yoohoo to me, which I can’t believe (you can buy a pretty healthy cow here for that amount, but unfortunately, there’s no milk in Yoohoo). Not sure if there’s a cheaper way to send, but if anyone’s planning on sending something, be prepared for sticker shock. Now, I understand Yoohoo’s pretty heavy, so maybe focus on the lighter items. Oh and, thanks to Michael, I have to update my wish-list. I now have QTips to last a few months (though they are light, and I will run out eventually, so its always an option). I have enough Post Its for probably 6 months or so. His package weighed about 13lbs in total. Also, it was sort of opened when I got it, it had a tear in the side, where the two sides meet. I think it was cut to peek in. I’m hoping nothing’s missing. Mike used the English address label that my mom created and Frank posted on the website, and it worked out fine. He described the contents as “used books, magazines”, but apparently, this didn’t dissuade the curious from poking around. Postal workers, never trust ‘em.

Mike, I’m tempted to sell the Yoohoos for $10/box…I am a volunteer, after all…

So anyway, I’ve been here in Ust for one month now, hard to believe. I’m just now getting over a three-day bout of the “the green apple quickstep” (phrase coined by the late Mr Chase, my HS anatomy teacher). I prefer the name “the shashleek shuffle”, as that’s the culprit I think. I’m talking about some intense intestinal issues, we’ll leave it at that. I mentioned this streetfood called “shashleek” before, basically shishkabobs sans veggies. Well, apparently, its more dangerous than a NY hotdog, but damn its tasty. I think I’ll just stay away from this particular vendor, although the stand is just outside of my apartment, and they know I’m a stupid American who has to do charades for his food, so I’ll miss them.

Two days ago, I paid my phone bill. Big deal, right? Well, it is for me. See, they don’t have any concept of a “check” in this country. Think about that, in a country of 6M people, NO ONE has a checking account, and NO ONE writes a check. The phone company is privatized, but you still go in person to pay, in cash, in the Post Office. Apparently, in the past, all utilities were paid at the PO, in person. Now, KazTelecom, the private phone company, leases part of the PO, so people can still go there and pay. So I got a bill in my mailbox (resembled a receipt from Target, they’re not big into fancy billing), and went there and paid. After, of course, practicing the phrases I’d need, and praying they didn’t deviate from my script. When I was done, I was almost skipping down the street, singing out loud “I paid my phooonebill, I paid my phooooonebill”. It’s the small things…

With the successful phone bill transaction, I was feeling bold, and decided to call and ORDER CABLE. So I get home, call the number I saw posted on the wall downstairs, and the person says “waka waka spego pregoshlikski?” I respond “umm…cable please”. He responds “ikki mikki oosplitski sligsku drugie smugie”. I listen intently, inserting an occasional “mmhmm…”, then dutifully respond “umm…cable please”. After about four of these volleys, we hang up.

Not sure if I ordered cable or bought the company, I’ll keep you posted.

So teaching’s going well. I’m teaching economics to 9, 10, and 11^th graders. The 9^th and 10^th I see for just an hour every other week, so its really nothing. The 11^th grade, though, is all mine, so I see them for two hours a week every week, plus a “business club” that they have for two hours/week. Greg, I hope you’re sitting down, because in this club, I’m teaching them the importance of MANAGEMENT. Specifically, PROJECT MANAGEMENT. I’m using the PMBOK to teach them how to manage a project. Next week, I’m installing MICROSOFT PROJECT on the school PC’s. Hey, its never too early to teach the virtues of good management. There’s a huge Mosque being built in town, I’m trying to track down the PM on that project and have him come speak to the class, maybe even have a field trip to the site.

My other job in consulting is off to a slowww start, for a couple reasons. First, it’s a new contract, and we all know that when you’re in contract limbo, no one works, and it’s the same here. Second, the director of the Ust office is transitioning out in a couple weeks, so his motivation to bring up a new guy is minimal. I am starting to get involved in the city, though. I met with the Director of Small/Medium Business Development in Ust this morning, and he is interested in having me do some training for businesses on contract management, project management, sales, etc. (excuse me, I have to change the channel, Bay Watch is coming on).

Weird how things make it beyond the US. What’s big here…Bay Watch of course, Murder She Wrote (ugh), Dallas (if people annoy me, I tell them who shot JR), Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, Fanta…what else… Nescafe instant coffee (HUGE), Lady Speedstick, Snickers, and Pringles. That’s about it. When you buy anything American, its expensive. You can find Jack Daniels, for about $40 a fifth. I’m going to buy a fifth and hide it in my kitchen, take it out only for myself. Now, if someone wanted to slide a pint into a package, that would be a kind gesture..hehe.

Switching gears, I’m going to blow off some steam and bitch for a bit here…have I mentioned the driving yet? Now, I’m a culturally sensitive guy, Peace Corps and all, but this driving, its not a cultural issue, its pure ignorance and lack of common courtesy or respect for life. The driving training is nonexistent, as although they require licenses, a simple bribe takes care of the test (like everything else here, the land of corruption). How nice would THAT option have been when we were 16? Anyway, they all drive these little old Russian cars called Lada’s. They’re boxy little things, like an old Nissan Sentra with a bad paint job and a loud muffler. Along with the Lada’s, there are nice vehicles, as there is no middle class in Kaz. The nice cars are like Landcruisers, Mercedes, BMW’s, some others I haven’t heard of. Apparently, they can get European cars pretty cheaply, because they sell the cars that don’t pass the environmental tests to countries like Kazakhstan. That’s nice.

Anyway, back to the driving. First of all, the traffic rules are similar to the US, they drive on the right side, they have a red/green/yellow light system, but the change is like 2 seconds, and sometimes not obeyed. Second, the drivers do not consider pedestrians at all. If you are in the way, you’d better MOVE. I’m walking down a narrow street, and a car is coming. He makes no attempt to move over in the slightest, or to slow down, so they come within inches of you, going like 40 mph on a small side street. If you look both ways to cross, you better CROSS, no talking, no meandering, just moving, and watching, the entire way. These people make NYC cabdrivers look like the blue-haired Florida retirees. I come so close to flipping them off, seriously, its so ignorant. Pedestrian accidents are not uncommon, but they don’t seem to get it. I think they forgot to teach physics to them, as they don’t understand the concept of F=MA (for the geeks out there). Whew, thanks, I feel better. But I’m still gonna flip them off one day.

Oh, before I forget, here’s another website to check out, its my friend Mary, who’s a fellow volunteer in Kazakhstan. Mary’s 67 years old, drinks like a fish, swears like a sailor, and can hang all night with the best of em. So naturally I’ve grown fond of her. She keeps a pretty detailed journal and is better with the pictures (one of me I think). Check it out at www.themarysmith.com.

The weather continues to be perfect, cool in the evening, 70 during the day. I still haven’t got winter gear yet, but its on my list for the next week or so. I still run, maybe 4 times a week, along the river. Oh, and there’s a Chechen guy in town that owns a little business that has a little weight room in it. He’s offered for me to use the weight room anytime I want (its not part of the business). So far, I’ve managed to find excuses not to go to this free, convenient weight room every day since. Even so, I think I’m losing a bit of weight, especially over the past 72 hours or so…look out Dr Atkins, here comes the Andrew Kelly Shashleek Shuffle weight loss plan!

On a totally different note, have I mentioned that Kazakhstan has the hottest females on the planet? And where are the hottest ones in Kazakhstan? UST KAMENOGORSK of course. Yes sir. Everyday, I walk around feeling like I’m in the middle of a photo shoot. I used to think NYC was the center of beauty, but not anymore. I mention this purely to share the experience, and believe me, it’s a shocker to everyone, male and female alike. Every female here dresses to the max, everyday. High heels with jeans is the norm, sometimes you’ll see someone stumbling along the dirt road, in these heels so pointed they could strike oil. Its comical sometimes to me, but man, its easy on the eyes. Some of the female volunteers have issues with it, understandably so, because females here are really not equals, they are more like eye candy. For instance, the guy who has the weight room is married, his fourth kid was born two days ago (his wife is 26). In his custom (he’s Chechen), you don’t see the wife during birth, so he was out with his friends, hanging out. This guy is out ALL the time, and its accepted, even expected. Chechens are a bit worse than Kazakhstanis in this regard, but its similar here. Infidelity is rampant on the male side. If you’re a female over 22 and not married, it’s a pretty big issue, so the women settle a bit I think. I think there’s a ratio issue as well, because the MEN certainly are not that attractive (so I’m told, of course), and dress however they want. I’ve had many chats about this with my new friend Megan here, who’s been here for two years. I’m impressed with female volunteers, they have to put up with this crap and still be positive. If the roles were reversed, I’m not sure I could take it (I’d be like, shake my hand dammit, I’m here as a business person!!!). However, I’m not a female, and I love it like all the other men. Add to it the fascination with Americans (exactly 12 in a city of 350,000), and you have a pretty good combination for this guy. Last weekend, I saw these two tall, model-looking ladies, clearly the best looking in the club. I boldly walked up, said “hello”, and next thing you know, I’m out on the dance floor, dancing with THREE of them. I laugh at it, its so surreal. I search my whole life for the perfect opening line, and it ends up being “hello”. Go figure.

Have I mentioned I’m in the Peace Corps?

Last subject, I am doing this radio show with Megan, started last Thursday. It’s the “Andrew and Megan Show”, every Thursday night, 8-9pm. We play our own tunes, talk between songs, take a few calls, it’s pretty cool. I’ll tape a show or two to take home, maybe have Frank put something on the site if we have the technology.

Finally, I want to wish my parents a very happy anniversary (today). I wish I could call, but ya know…

Ok, I’m going to sign off now, Bay Watch is over, but it’s on again, same episode.

Later,

Andrew

(one last thing, don’t send Newsweeks, I have a free subscription thru PC!!)