March 14, 2004

Привиет Фсе,

“The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly”. That’s the theme of today’s journal entry. Let’s begin.

The Good: This is Thailand. Thailand is good. In fact, its awesome. If anyone’s thinking “I’m sick of Hedonism, Vegas is getting old, and Maine, well, you can’t bash Maine, but you get the jist, Thailand is an option. Its beautiful, diverse, very tourist-friendly, inexpensive and all around fulfilling as a vacation destination.

I was there over the Christmas holiday, for a couple weeks. I went with three other guys from PC, who also made the trip what it was. We don’t know each other very well in the PC, because we see each other for a total of, oh, three weeks over the course of two years, so it was a risk going on vacation. The guys I traveled with were perfect travel partners, no debates, similar interests, not cheap, very funny, flexible…all the traits you need to go on an unplanned vacation to a strange land. We landed in Bangkok, stayed there just one night because we wanted BEACH. The next day we headed to an island called Ko Chang, a six hour bus ride from Bangkok. Ko Chang was sweet, relaxed, perfect. We spent NYE there, they had a beach party. Everyday laying on the beach, swimming some, lounging in our bungalow by the beach, and receiving $5 1/hr full body massages on the beach. Evenings were spent having dinner at one of many outdoor beachside restaurants, ordering fresh fish from the day’s catch and seeing them fry it up in front of your eyes (head and all, I wasn’t really into that, but oh well).

After Ko Chang we headed back to Bangkok, where one guy (Mike) left and another guy’s (Mike II) girlfriend arrived from the States. We then headed to another island, 12 hours south, then four hours on a boat, called Ko Phan Dan. We stayed at a remote beach, accessible only by small boat, on bungalows for about $5/night. The highlight of this island was the “Full Moon Party”, the world’s largest rave, held on the beach every full moon. Picture thousands of people on the beach, dancing, drinking, most drugged up and hypnotized by the “trance” music. Not really my bag, and it was a nightmare getting back to our beach after the party, as our boat ran into a big storm. Luckily the skipper and Gilligan got us home safely this time. We spent about a week at the second island, then headed back to Bangkok for a couple days for some site-seeing, and that was about it. Perfect vacation, the second best I’ve had in my life (the first of course being my trip to Ireland with my mommy a couple years back).

Thailand, the Good.

The Bad: The bad was the plane trip back to Kazakhstan. It was on Air Astana, a new airline from Kazakhstan. I’m sorry, but this flight was a glaring view into some of the more disturbing differences between our cultures. First of all, we were delayed an hour. Why? Because people could not get into their correct seats. In front of us was a Kazakh family of 5 or 6, and they shuffled around for a while, trying to finagle something, I couldn’t figure out what. It was an exit row right by the bathroom, so it was a spacious area. They wanted to sit together, understandable, but they wanted to do it however they wanted. In the end, the father strapped himself into the flight attendant’s jumpseat and refused to move once they saw him there.

Finally we take off, and things get a bit better, as they were giving us free beer. I soon saw that this was a mistake, as you cannot give free alcohol to men from this region, they just don’t know when to stop. You don’t get a buzz here, you get severely inebriated, it’s the only choice. Oh and, several bottles of Duty Free alcohol appeared, which I know carries a severe penalty on any flight, usually resulting in a lifetime ban from flying on that airline if you are caught drinking your own alcohol.

But on ole Air Astana, the inmates run the asylum, so its ok (major steam being blown off here as I recall that circus). That exit row in front of us because party central for all the guys returning from their vacations. The bathrooms were right there, it was a good location to get slammed. About 7-8 guys gathered, a lot of back slapping, toasting, harassing the flight attendants (who were young Kazakh girls, so culturally, they had no real control over the men). Smoking in the bathroom was regular, the flight attendants would spray the bathroom with air freshener and glare at the guys, but do nothing. Guys were ordering cokes on a regular basis as chasers, and the flight attendants complied.

My threshold was reached when two guys started arguing loudly about a card game, and decided to settle it in the bathroom, smoking. When they came out, I asked the flight attendant “um, don’t you think the children here have had enough and should go to sleep? Its 1am and the entire plane is trying to sleep.”

She looks at me with these glazed eyes and goes to speak to two children to go to their seats, obviously missing my sarcasm. I try again, “These guys are drunk and dangerous, and they are in an exit row, you need to get them under control, now”.

She responds “I know, but they are drunk, so they won’t listen to me.”

I say “You realize you are in charge, and you have lost control of this flight, right?”

Flight attendant, glazed eyes, says nothing.

Me: “I am concerned with my safety, because there is a very good chance one of these guys is going to throw his friend out the door if they argue again, and I’ll be sucked out as well.”

Flight Attendant: “don’t worry, you will arrive safely.”

Me: “Thank you, you are very helpful.”

Well I did arrive safely, but getting off the plane I said to the head attendant “This has been the most unsafe flight I have ever been on, thank you”.

The girl I spoke with originally was right there, and I think she translated what I said as “I loved this flight, thank you”. Whatever.

That was the bad, now on to the ugly.

The Ugly: The ugly is extortion that I experienced on the train. They talk about corruption, bribery, extortion all the time here, but this was the first time I was truly a victim, and it was disturbing. I was on the train, it was 3am, I was sleeping soundly, eye shades and ear plugs in, shielding me from the world. This train from Ust actually goes north a bit, and traverses through Russia for about six hours before swinging back south. During the time in Russia, the doors are locked, and so you don’t need any documentation to enter Russia…so I thought.

At 3am the door to my 4-person couple opens, the light goes on (which I didn’t see with my eyeshades). I awake to someone pulling on my ankle, and as my vision comes into focus, I see Dolph Lungren in a big blue fur shapka glaring at me, demanding my documentation. I show him my passport, and he starts to bark at me “where’s your Russian visa?”. I say I don’t have one, and he immediately orders me to gather my things, we’re going to jail. I’m like “umm, no, I can’t go to jail, I’m going to Thailand.” I’m confused still, still in a fog of sleep, and I’m struggling to remember Russian to explain myself.

It didn’t matter because the whole thing was a scam. The train conductor was in on it, I’m sure. He told the guy there was an American on the train, and they planned the ambush. No one helped me as this guy was taking me off, so I had no choice but to pay a “fine” of $100. When I asked for a receipt and his ID info, he threatened me that if I did write anything down, I was going to jail.

Thing was, normally I would just risk it, I mean, I was in the right, and I’m a volunteer, so my schedule’s sort of light these days. He hit me on a good day for him. First, I was dressed for this vacation, so I didn’t have heavy clothes, and this stop was at a remote place in Siberia, no city, not even a town, just a border control point. Second, I was carrying over $1000 because I was currying some money to Almaty for a coworker, and I was afraid he’d find that money. Third and most importantly, I had a plane ticket for Thailand that left only once a week, so if I missed my flight, I missed my vacation. All of these passed through my mind quickly, and I think he saw this in my eyes and knew he had me. I’m sort of embarrassed to be taken after being here so long, but man, when every person in authority around you is coercing you into something, where do you turn? How do you know it’s a scam, and even if it is, how do you know they won’t just take you anyway, because this law is an exception, and laws are vague and everchanging around here, so he probably was within his rights to drag me off anyway.

On the bright side, they chose the wrong stoolie. They didn’t know I work for the US Gov’t as a volunteer, so there’s a fair amount of attention being given this. I got a call last week from an investigator from Russia, who thinks he knows the guy who did it. Also, another volunteer saw this same conductor on a different train just last week, and the conductor was complaining to him that I ruined his life. I felt sorry for him, next time I’ll just pay and not report the incident, I don’t want to ruin the life of a thief.

And that was the Ugly.

That sums up my trip to Thailand, basically. I got back to Ust in mid-January, and since then have been focusing on getting mentally ready for post-PC life and waiting out the end of winter. I thought it was over a couple weeks ago, but we got a fresh storm and a new dip in temperature, so we’re not done yet. Soon though, surely by the end of March.

Then it’s the homestretch and the future, which I’ll leave for the next and final journal. Hope everyone enjoys the end of winter back home, takes a nice safe flight somewhere and has a good experience with one of our honest law enforcement officers!

Later,

Andrew